Ch 6 — Marriage in Islam / Adjustment in Marital Life
Women In Islam — Maulana Wahiduddin Khan
Badges mark quoted or attributed material (Qur'an, hadith, another author, an opposing view). Unbadged passages are Maulana Wahiduddin Khan's own words.
Under the directions for marital life, the Quran enjoins as follows: p. 172Qur'an
“Live with them in accordance with what is fair and kind; if you dislike them, it may be that you dislike something which God might make a source of abundant good.” (4:19) p. 172Qur'an
In this world of God, the only effective principle by which to lead a successful married and social life is for every man and woman to realize that if one does not appreciate some trait in the other, it is just possible that there may be some other quality in the same person which would be to their liking or advantage. It is, therefore, prudent for everyone to scrupulously overlook the disagreeable feature of the concerned man or woman and accept him or her based on appreciable qualities. This Quranic teaching does
not concern only husband and wife but all human relations in general. p. 173
Realistically, nobody in this world is perfect. Everyone has some inherent shortcomings or the other. The man or woman who comes into direct contact with us gets exposed to us and has no means of concealing this shortcoming, whereas one who remains out of our practical life is less vulnerable because he escapes this scrutiny. Thus, we imagine and presume that all the others are good except the one associated with us, though, with closer acquaintance with others, it becomes evident that the latter are not very different from our partners in marriage. p. 173
The attitude of leaving one and grabbing another is not correct, and, in any case, the quest for perfection is unlikely to succeed. The right approach is to inculcate the mentality of adjustment, for it is this quality of adjustment that makes a person capable of living peacefully with all kinds of people and permits him through a fruitful association with others to shape a successful life for himself. p. 173
Here, we have a fundamental principle of life. It can be put in one word—adjustment. Adjustability is the key to success in life for individuals, families, society, and nations. We can define adjustability as taking into account the needs of others besides one’s own. In this world, success comes the way of one who is able to see both sides of a coin and look at matters from another’s point of view as well as from his own. Those who only know what they want and go all the way to achieve it, irrespective of others’ needs, will find their path through life strewn with obstacles and pitfalls, and it will be little wonder if they come to grief. Success in marriage and social life can only take place by following this principle of adjustment. p. 174